Masked Identity
Masked Identity
Longing for Tranquility
Materials: Wire, Masking Tape, Tracing Paper, Ink, Acrylic Paint, Artificial Flowers
Artist Statement
My self identity is ever changing and evolving, and there is no single thing that defines me. Over the past year, I have experienced a great deal of loss. After my mother's sudden passing, I was overcome with an unfamiliar sense of grief. In all my years, I had never felt such a heavy weight of sadness. This sadness was (and still is) very daunting for me, and has often interfered with my typical temperament.
Unfortunately, my mother wasn't the only thing I lost this year. Shortly after, I lost the house that I had shared with her. Due to this sudden move, I was forced to separate from my dear pet dog. Too much changed far too fast and I was overwhelmed.
For some reason, whenever I am under a lot of fear or anxiety, I will draw a fox. The image of a fox always comes to me, as it provides me with a sense of peace. I am calmed by the fox. Naturally, this was the animal I was drawn to in the midst of my grief and chose to use to represent my emotions. Blue flowers, instead of being a crown, are growing from the fox's head. Blue was my mother's favorite color, as well as the symbolic color of faith and confidence. This piece, while being representative of my new sadness, is also depicting the faith and hope which continues to grow in me. Just as flowers do, these feelings will grow and blossom with time as I cope with my grief. In Korea, flowers are symbolic of mourning, which is another way that they are suitable for this piece.
While the tears are an almost direct correlation to my emotions, their gold color is symbolic of courage and confidence. This sense of confidence is one of the many things I have lost this year, and am slowly regaining.
The golden halo is reminiscent of medieval paintings of holy figures. In these paintings, people associated with heaven or god were depicted with golden circles behind their heads. I have chosen to keep this halo behind my own fox head in order to symbolize my connection with heaven through my personal faith. Based on my Christian religion, I know where my mother is now, and in who I can put my trust when I feel weak.
I've chosen the pink carnations as a prop, something I am shown cradling in my hands, for a very specific purpose. Pink carnations are widely known for symbolizing a mother's undying love-- a common mother's day gift. In a symbolic sense, I am holding my mother's love close and with care, something I will cherish and nurture for the rest of my life.
I decided to model this piece in a natural environment amongst trees and greenery. In forest-like settings, I am at an utmost calm and find my serenity there. I also wanted to maintain the sense of nature all throughout: fox, flowers, trees.
I took poses which came the most naturally to me, most of them looking down, staying within myself. These are poses most people can associate with sadness or grief or loss-- looking downward in defeat or holding one's head for support. I also look down at the pink carnations, constantly reminded of my mother's undying love.
Concept Development
This has been a concept many months in the making. It initially began as a watercolor sketch, a representation of my pure emotions. At the time, I was overcome by feelings of anxiety and grief. My desire for an inner sense of peace manifested itself as a fox with blue flowers growing from its fur and gold tears. This image returns to me repeatedly, as I still continue to draw it for comfort. For example, even after my initial drawing, I created the fox again later on in an Image Studio digital rendition project. My feelings of grief at the time were still strong, and the crying flower fox was my serenity. Although it has developed over time, the overall concept has not changed and it has maintained its appearance.
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